He could never hope to guess what Sam and Katie would remember about their earliest years, and what they would remember about him. He expected they would have some memories of his death. Ultimately it would be under Jane’s control as to what these memories consisted of. He assumed that in his last dying days she would shelter them from his suffering more than perhaps he would have chosen. And while the thought of this didn’t feel quite right to him, he took some guilty comfort from it. It was other potential memories that now worried him. In his efforts to always be open and honest with his children, he had revealed sides to himself that he wasn’t proud of. He had told them when he faced suspension from his job because of some minor expense fiddling. The complications of the matter meant that he had to explain it simply as stealing a bit of money from the company. He had hit Jane the previous summer, after an argument which started over not giving him a telephone message, and he had gathered the children afterwards to explain what he had done. This was excellent therapy for him; the looks of fear and sadness on their faces meant that he would never be able to do such a thing again, but at the time he hadn’t considered that this might be one of their strongest memories of their father.
Day 22
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