As the children coped, Jane went into a state of mourning. Not yet mourning for Jack, but already mourning the loss of her family’s security and normal life. Jack’s relationship with his children returned to normal, carried on almost as if nothing was happening. This was what Jack wanted and actively encouraged, and the children were happy to go along with it. But Jane fell into depression, and became instensely attached to Jack, following him whenever practical, following him remotely when she couldn’t be physically with him. This irritated Jack who wanted everything to stay normal and valued his personal space. Worse, Jane became controlling, mothering him, constantly checking that he was alright and taking all the necessary safety precautions. The closer she pulled, the harder he pushed. Please just let me be, he would say. She wouldn’t reply, looking concerned, looking sad, looking wronged. She insisted on accompanying him to all his checkups and on one visit, to Jane’s obvious discomfort, Jack brought up the issue of her suffocating behaviour with the doctor. The doctor called it anticipatory grief, and said it was common, that they both had to understand how the other was feeling. Jack understood, but he wasn’t going to stand for it, this wasn’t how he wanted the last days of their relationship to work. And as the time passed, Jane shrank into herself, until Jack felt like it was her that was dying.
Day 18
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